My life has been transformed over the last several years. Bill asked me to speak because this change really began with the Inner Work in Leadership Wyoming. From the Inner Work of the Leader workbook, “I have learned that the telling of my story is not merely repeating the past, it is bringing the past to the present for the sake of the future.” (Carl Dudley)
So I'll begin with a story about frogs:
Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs who arranged a climbing competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.
A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants.
The race began. Honestly, no one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.
They said things like:
"Oh, WAY too difficult!!"
"They will NEVER make it to the top;" "Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"
The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one.... Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher....
The crowd continued to yell, ”It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"
More tiny frogs got tired and gave up. But ONE continued higher and higher and higher. This one wouldn't give up!
At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog that, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!
All of the other tiny frogs wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it? One asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?
It turned out that the tiny frog wasn't able to hear the naysayers – he was deaf.
This story is a reminder of the wisdom of not listening when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams!
In my childhood I was not the tiny frog. I had an adult in my life who said things to me that were abusive. Though not accurate in her assessment, I believed what she said.
Then, as a 9th grader I was going through the admission process for a private boarding school. The administrator informed me and my parents in very harsh words that in no way could I be successful there. Fortunately, my parents felt otherwise and requested a provisional admission. In the end, the administrator could not have been more wrong, but I thoroughly embraced his words of doubt. I nurtured them.
I did not wear these feelings of inadequacy on my sleeve. The people I interacted with socially and in the workplace would not have known or believed how I felt about myself.
Committing to doing Inner Work was the first of many steps in healing this self destructive thinking that impacted everything I did. Though I was functional on the outside, I was crippled on the inside. I was paralyzed by the fear, of letting others see who I really was. Now, in hindsight, the acknowledgement of my weaknesses and putting them in perspective has become a strength. I am who I am, the whole of me.
In my typical fashion, when I entered the first meeting of Leadership Wyoming I questioned why I was there. After all, I thought I could not measure up to the others in my class. I was not smart enough, I didn't have an impressive title etc…and in the second meeting when I wrote my personal mission statement in Jackson, I clearly remember sharing it with Joanna Murray, and apologizing for it the whole time.
I think it was the Inner Work practice of Silence and Solitude that caused me to start thinking about who I really was and where I needed to go. Katherine Tyler Scott says that “Solitude is not a private therapeutic place, but rather one of conversion.” I had to be honest with myself. I was an expert at understanding my weaknesses, but never gave consideration to my strengths, my gifts. No matter how successful I was, I could never internalize a job well done. I realized through this process that to be a good leader I had to know myself. I could then contribute in places that would benefit the common good. I had to learn to say no to the things that were not a good fit for me, no matter what anyone else thought. This was for me, an exercise in “Managing the Gap” the gap between what was, and what I wanted to be.
I began sorting out the various committees and boards I served on. I would venture to guess that some of you could benefit from doing some sorting. The result for me; was that I resigned from all but a few. Though I agonized over it, I think the biggest step forward came with a letter I wrote to one board. The chair of the board would not deliver my message; he said I must do it. No easy street for me. He didn't want me to resign. It was a moment of truth. It took courage. I read the letter at my last meeting. In part, it said,
When I first came on this board, maybe the 2nd or 3rd meeting, the chair asked us to individually share our thoughts. I said I was there to honor my dad. Throughout my service I have felt unqualified to take a place at the table. It has been hard. I have struggled.
Nonetheless, I have found some small, quiet ways to participate in the work. In the end, I have grown personally and have been hugely blessed in the friendships and working relationships I have made with you and the staff. Thank you for the opportunity. I look forward to continued service in an informal way.
With that said, it is time to be true to myself, follow my own heart and my own passion. I am so very lucky to have the freedom to do so. The timing does not follow my term, but I think the time is right for me to take my own path. A few years ago, while in Leadership Wyoming I defined my mission… To put myself in places where I can make a difference. To put myself in places where I can influence in a positive way. To put myself in places where I can make life a bit better for even one person if only for a moment…. I want to have a keen eye for those in need.
I found an applicable quote by Mahatma Gandhi,
“I shall pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”
I want to be in the “helping profession”. I want to serve in the trenches. This may not be glamorous to some, but I claim it. I was once again reminded of an inspirational quote.
One more quote: “It is only possible to heal one heart at a time, beginning with your own, but don't stop there.”
Remember, this all started with my dad. Today, ironically enough, is the 3rd anniversary of his death, and he would have celebrated his 80th year on Saturday. Though he is in another place, I have asked for him to be with me in this. If he was here today, I think he would honor my decision.
This process did not happen in isolation. I shared it with family, close friends and a professional counselor. It was extremely difficult sometimes. During this same timeframe my dad passed away. We had a wonderful relationship; he lifted me up. He gave me great encouragement.
I had to take risks. I knew that in order to carry on the good work of my parents I would be called to do things that were out of my comfort zone. First I joined Toastmasters. I was terrified of public speaking. I thought I had nothing worthwhile to say. I felt so vulnerable. And, I have to say, I can go back to that place in a heartbeat. But thankfully now I have “the stops” in my mind. I have the tools to combat the typical thoughts that would come.
I worked at “Xing” out the people and situations in my life that were unhealthy. I actually put the name of these people in a circle and put an “X” through it. Then I had to take responsibility and find a resolution for my part. That is, I wasn't going to let these old hurts impact my thinking anymore, and I would let go of the things that I could not change or control anyway.
Did you view the video, “Celebrate What's Right with the World.”? I first saw it at a Leadership Wyoming Challenge Institute. From the video, I asked, “Can I trust my own values and vision enough to step out beyond my own edge?”
I pose this same question to you. Can you trust your values and visions enough to step out beyond your own edge and find new balance not a place of limitation, but one of possibilities? Balance – what I do, and who I am. I did and I allowed myself to take it all in, then with gratitude and grace give the best back without regard to whether it was received or not.
Beginning in 2002, an incredible opportunity came my way. It was one for which I had been preparing for a long time. I took a leadership position set for me on the John P. Ellbogen Foundation Board. I was strong enough to do what was exceedingly hard for me. I was willing to take the risk, and the rewards have been golden.
It was now time to build networks. It was time to build bridges with other trustees in Wyoming. It was time to build structures and networks to support the mission of the John P. Ellbogen Foundation. That mission is to: Create or cause change, primarily for the benefit of the people of the State of Wyoming through the support of science, education and charity.
The possibilities of fulfilling this mission are endless. We continually search to identify public situations or conditions that prevail and affect generally large areas of the state which need innovative and focused actions and systemic solutions to correct, eliminate, or improve the identified condition.
It was clear from many conversations with my Dad that our focus should be on education. He believed that the key to his success was his education. My dad was the first in his family to receive a University degree. He then supported his brother and sister through college.
He had a vision that Wyoming should be #1 in education. That can come wrapped in many packages, but my Dad identified one very good avenue – National Board Certification, the highest credential in the teaching profession. Certification is a voluntary and rigorous process that measures what a teacher knows and is able to do. Research shows that this performance-based assessment does, in fact, identify highly qualified teachers.
In the first meeting of the Board we began the conversation o supporting the National Board Certification on a statewide basis. I raised my hand as if making a pledge and said that I would contact the Dean of the College of Education, the State Superintendent for Public Instruction. I would contact the Governor and each of our State legislators. I would begin making calls throughout the “education community” in Wyoming. I left with a familiar sinking feeling that I did not have the skills to do this work. But, one cold call at a time, and one face to face meeting at a time helped me to shape a plan of action.
In a short time the Wyoming National Board Certification Initiative grew. I needed help, and was blessed with finding help from Rae Lynn Job. Rae Lynn had 30 years experience in education, and served many years as a Wyoming Senator. We have now been working together on this initiative for several years.
We have seen many victories:
We are changing the landscape of quality teaching and learning in Wyoming. The response has been far greater than I could have imagined.
Theodore Roosevelt said, “Far away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.” Determination and persistence have the hallmark of my journey. I would not be in this place, the place as you have heard it said, where the worlds deep need and my deep gladness meet, without the pain and internal reflection, without the Inner Work. What if I would not have stepped out beyond my own edge?
The poet Mary Oliver concludes one of her poems by asking, “Tell me what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” As Leadership Wyoming graduates I challenge you to step out beyond your own edge, to fully embrace your role as trustees and leaders in our great state, and to give focus and meaning to serving the common good. Tell me what do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
Adapted for E-Bridge From a speech delivered to 2007 Leadership Wyoming Class Graduation, May, 2007, by Mary Garland